O Vile Pez

Years ago a fellow student on a bus ride to a marching band contest opined that pez dispensers promoted violence in children: the children rip someone's head off, and they get a treat. Being a nerdy high school student, I immediately set to work composing a poem on the idea. I was...very weird then.

I am of course very normal now, which is why I'm posting the poem. Just think of James Earl Jones reading it in the manner that he read The Raven in that early Simpsons Halloween episode.

O vile Pez! I cry to thee!
Horrid dispenser of more than candy.
For from you spring such contaminant thought
To youths whose minds should never ought
Think on such vile deeds
Brought on by your unholy seeds.
O dreaded Pez block,
O how the youth flock
To taste the bitterness rused as sweet.
Deceiving untainted minds you meet.
A murderous deed they must perform:
A horrendous morphing of your form.
Tearing back the dispenser's head
Mirrored on the living, they would be dead!
Would that now the corrupted says,
O vile, O evil, O wicked Pez.